🎙️ From Transformation to Impact: Leading with Humility & Discernment with Schalee Sanchez

Emotional intelligence and leadership evolve through humility, discernment, and support as Schalee Sanchez shares how growth empowers impact.

Your transformation isn’t just for you, it equips you to hold space for others. In this episode, Schalee Sanchez shares why discernment in who you trust matters, how support accelerates growth, and how true humility means living beyond yourself while fully expressing your innate gifts.

Schalee Sanchez is a transformational leader and mentor who helps individuals step into their purpose with clarity and confidence. Her work blends emotional intelligence, self-expression, and conscious leadership to empower others to grow while uplifting those around them.

👉 Connect with Schalee here:

Website: https://schaleesanchez.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/schalee.m.sanchez/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/schalee.sanchez/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@schaleesanchez
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/schalee-sanchez-7207a7181/
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ab4itCSBGHQ1SPkajithC?si=04278bf82ef94c37
Amazon: https://a.co/d/02YBUUe9

#LeadershipDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #ConsciousLeadership #SelfLeadership #MindsetMatters #HumanPotential #AuthenticLeadership #PersonalGrowth #Discernment #PeakPerformance

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Season of my life, I, in pursuit of humility, thought I needed to stifle that and that it needed to be hidden and pushed down in order to be able to be humble. And what I have learned in most recent years of my life is that actually it's the integration of that ambition with humility that makes it possible for us to pursue excellence at a level where welcome to the Resilient Minds Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Stories of grit, growth, and success. On this show, we focus on the real stories behind the success, the struggles, the resilience, and the courage it took to keep moving forward even when the times got tough. My goal is to provide you with stories of hopeful transformation, showing that no matter the challenges, there is a way forward, and you can find it. This is Resilient Minds.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Hi, I'm your host, Dr. Campbell, and I'm here with a good friend of mine, and she is such a sweetheart and such a beautiful soul. I'm so grateful to have her on the show today. Her name is Shalee Sanchez, and she is a speaker and an author. And she actually invited me to be on a panel for her book signing. It's called The Humility You Want and the World Needs, but the way she reframed it was so completely different than the way that we normally think about humility. So I thought that it would be a really good opportunity to hear her and her story today. Thank you so much, Shelly, for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

I really am excited about being here with you and looking forward to having this conversation together.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Absolutely. So tell us what you're doing nowadays. What does your life look like?

SPEAKER_00 2:00

I actually started dedicating my time entirely to what I am currently doing last October. So I'm basically six months into being an author, speaker, having training sessions with teams, helping with people setting goals and get from where they are currently to where they want to be. So I am kind of fresh into all of this, although I've been doing this for years now, and am so grateful that I get to help people who are in pursuit of excellence and help them stay grounded in their true worth while they pursue excellence in their professional life, their personal life, and in every other way.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Right. And right before we started recording this show, you were telling me how those sessions, you're calling them SOS sessions. I absolutely love that name because when you are, whether it be in business for yourself or you're trying to move out into another direction and you just don't have full clarity, sometimes having that other person who's been in the grunge of it and they've not had clarity before, they've had their overwhelming emotions before, and you literally have to take a risk moving out. So you have to question parts of your own identity and literally SOS, it fits perfectly with what you're doing for people.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Yeah, it is really exciting to get to be in that moment with people, share that moment because I've been there. I have been in those moments when I knew what my next step was, but I was scared to death to take it. And someone stepped into that space with me, had incredible compassion as they guided me towards me being able to discover what my next step was. And then they helped me find the courage also to actually take this step, which is such an incredible experience to have and share with someone. It's a meaningful moment in their journey and getting to be a part of that is such an honor.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

Yeah, and they they always remember it too, because we we don't necessarily remember what somebody says, but we always remember how they made us feel. And so if you can be with somebody when they're at their worst, you know, like hitting that rock bottom when they feel completely overwhelmed, they don't know what direction to take, but the person holding space, and and this is something that I learned one through my own journey, and then you know, working with other people too. I can see it very consistently. The amount that you've healed is the amount that you can hold space for somebody else. And so if you've only healed a little, you really can't hold a big container for somebody. And if somebody's making a big decision in their life, they need somebody who truly understands. So you can have patience with them.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Absolutely, patience is a key element in that moment because so often there are emotions that have to be processed. And if we don't allow those emotions to be processed, then we're not actually going to be able to move forward in a healthy way. And giving someone the opportunity to say, okay, this is where I'm at, this is what I'm feeling. For me, I can go back to one specific moment. I was on a Zoom call and making a very significant decision as a single mom with four children.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

And it was a financial decision that was going to largely impact what the next, you know, several months and years would look like for me and my children. And the woman that was on the call with me allowed me just to break down in tears because I needed to release that in that moment. I needed to let that out. And she just gave me the space to do that and allowed me to process through that. And then once I was through that part of it, then we continued the conversation and she was asking the right questions and allowing me to explore the options and decide what was my next step and how was I going to take that?

SPEAKER_03 6:30

Right. Which is huge doing that as a single mom too, because the decisions that you make aren't just affecting you. I mean, you're having your emotions about it, but we still have to deal with our kids and we don't want to make decisions that hurt them either. So it's a lot of pressure. Do you work with a lot of single moms?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

I actually get to work with a wide range of people, and it is not only single moms. I work with a lot of males as well that are married and in professional settings. All of us face these kind of moments in our lives. Uh, we aren't exempt from them. And it's not because of being a single parent or having some kind of specific uh situation or circumstance in our life that we have to go through these moments. It's a part of growth for everyone. And we experience it at different parts on our journey because those are the moments that define who we're going to be moving forward.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

I like how you say it's a moment for growth because if we act like we have it all together, we're probably just limiting our growth. It's like, dude, it's okay. Like you really don't have it together. It's fine. So the sooner we we say that and then we feel those emotions, it can come up, like you said, and then release, and then we can get to work, right? Like whatever that is that we needed clarity on.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Exactly. And that's part of what is the context of and the content that I share in the book about humility, us posturing ourselves with that kind of attitude where we recognize that we don't know everything. And we invite people to be a part of our journey simply because we know that someone else is gonna know something or have a perspective that we don't have. And giving that opportunity for someone else to speak into what our journey is going to look like really comes from being able to say, I'm not gonna rely on my own limited knowledge, which all of our knowledge is limited. None of us have everything figured out. And the collaboration and connection that comes from that is phenomenal. It's so beautiful when we open ourselves up to that and learn from each other in those moments.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Yeah, I was very honored that you invite me uh to that panel because the title, if anybody, you know, ever wants to connect with you to get this book, you have it on Amazon, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yes, that is correct.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

It's and if you're looking on YouTube, it's called, I have the picture, uh, you know, but for everybody else who's on audio, it's called The Humility You Want and the World Needs. The reason why I was so honored was because you're wonderful. And I just I felt so honored for that for you to invite me, but the name of it, it perfectly depicted what your message was because we're reframing what humility is. That's what you did in this book, and that's what you stand for because the title of the panel was humility with ambition or humility and ambition. And to have that balance, and I think you in your life, through your transformation, have fully embodied this where you are incredibly strong and you are capable and you are standing on your own two feet and you're helping so many people, but you also have this beautiful humility, and so it really highlights your heart with it. So this was your first book. You're working on your second one. Can you tell me what transpired with you right after you wrote this first one and when you realized that you needed to write the second one?

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Yes, I was actually working full-time as the director of revenue at a nonprofit when I published The Humility You Want and The World Needs. And that had been something that was a seed growing for about seven years in me, that then unexpectedly I had an opportunity to connect with some writing coaches and made it possible for the book to be birthed and be available. I was really excited about that moment, but didn't have the intent of what has unfolded since then. Once the book was published, it blew me away with the opportunities to present to groups this concept that now, as I look back across my entire life and see this thread of how I've been on this journey of discovering what true humility is and how to live in that place where I am very wildly ambitious because I'm an achiever. I'm an Ennegram free. Um, you know, the the one who is always setting goals and always making goals way bigger than I can even imagine. Um and so there's this highly competitive attitude that I have that for a season of my life, I, in pursuit of humility, thought I needed to stifle that and that it needed to be hidden and pushed down in order to be able to be humble. And what I have learned in most recent years of my life is that actually it's the integration of that ambition with humility that makes it possible for us to pursue excellence at a level where we truly do exceed our expectations of the impact that our lives can have while we genuinely care for other people at the same time. And I have so many moments that I can look back on and see, okay, that was a moment when arrogance got in the way. And this is a moment where humility truly was guiding. And so I've been learning, and it's a lifelong journey, and getting to share that with people now that this book is available. It's really a tool that opens up these conversations. And once that started happening, I started seeing how powerful this message is and how many people are hungry for it. That was, I think, the biggest surprise for me is that I would meet people in the mall from, you know, ranging from in their early 20s to in their 70s, um, just in all different places at the gym on walks, and have these opportunities to have conversations with people about how humility impacts their life and how they've seen the damage that arrogance does. I've come to this point of using the term arrogance instead of pride because pride is neutral. Um, it can be positive and negative. And pride can have this sense of dignity and satisfaction of a job well done. I'm super proud of my kids, they are amazing. And so we we have that sense of pride that's positive and healthy and good. And then pride when it turns into arrogance is very damaging. It creates division and causes damage and harm and destruction. So that's that's the those are the opposing uh factors that we have opportunity to choose between.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Right. Well, one of the things that I love that you stand for too is how you reframed humility. Not only can ambition be there, which includes the pride part, right? But it's the fact that humility doesn't mean to make yourself small or to be a martyr. That is that, and that is what I find, and you know, we you and I have talked about that, is that's what a lot of people feel like. You need to make yourself smaller, quiet your voice, suppress yourself. And that is not how you reframe humility. Can you elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Absolutely. So there's a whole section in the book about the misconceptions of humility. And again, this is from my own journey and also observing and talking with other people along the way and seeing how that very idea of being humble means that I step out of the spotlight, that I stay hidden, that I stay small, that I remain quiet, that I don't ever step up, and that is absolutely a false humility. That is us thinking more about ourselves, which is exactly what humility is not. When we start to think about ourselves in terms of, oh, how is this gonna affect my reputation? And how is this going to require me to make a bigger effort in this moment? Or how is this gonna require me to step up as a leader? And I don't want to do that. We're we're focusing on ourselves, where true humility is motivated by a compassion that really pushes us beyond ourselves. And that's the way that I like to define humility now. You know, people that's often one of the first questions that they ask me, how do you define humility? Um, because you know, there's the dictionary way to define humility, but I define it as living beyond ourselves, being able to have a perspective where we're not focused on how is this going to benefit me or how is this going to impact me? But what is this opportunity providing in terms of I have strengths that I can contribute to make the world a better place, to enhance the well-being of other people's lives. And what am I gonna say yes to? Or what am I gonna choose to just step back and say, I'm not gonna be a part of that for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

Right. And and when it comes to your transformation, part of that holding yourself back and not contributing your wonderful gifts was because you were making yourself small, right? Can you tell us a little bit about your story?

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Yes, and it is something that I will go back about 20 years ago when I got married. That was really the place where I started shrinking back and allowing someone else to make decisions for me and decide what my impact was going to be. In that marriage, I had a skewed perspective of submission that in my desire to maintain a posture of humility um went to an extreme of I wasn't able to advocate for myself. I wasn't able to make my own decisions, and that led me to a place of really not having a grounded sense of self-worth. I I really lost myself and was living entirely this script that was created for me. So now I chose to leave that marriage and walk away from that relationship because it was harming me and it was harming my kids. Once I was able to get out of that, then the healing process was possible. I tried being in that place to understand what was happening and find a way that I would be able to find myself again. But when you remain in that, yeah, it's not possible for you to heal and move forward.

SPEAKER_03 19:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

So for me, it required me to leave.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Yeah, like you can't even get you can't even get clarity because there's so much cognitive fog. Um, I've talked to so many people who they they see the difference between clarity and cognitive fog. And the best description that you know I've come up with is it's kind of like um jello. Like there's this huge thing of jello, and there's all these people in it. They're in the cognitive fog. You can't see and you can't hear what's on the outside of it, even if somebody's yelling it at you. But if somebody's on the outside, think about like you get out of the situation that's clouding your own judgment, then you can see clearly and you look back and you're like, oh my God, I can't believe everybody else is in there and they don't even know. But now that I got out, I feel so much better. I'm not being suppressed, I'm not being like held down. My my clarity is just so much more clear. And then for whatever reason, and everybody who's been through this transformation, they know if you get close to the goop, like that jello can pull you back in, you get stuck again and you don't realize how you got in. But at least you know the difference now because you were just on the outside. And so, what what I've seen is like you had said, you couldn't heal until you got out. But once you did, you were actually rewriting the story that had been written for you. So I find that very common with people. The more we've been writing our the more we've been living our stories based off of others' perspectives, the harder it is to make our own decisions moving forward. Right. So the more support we need.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yes. And for me, you know, you mentioned I am writing my second book now, and I am sharing my story. So I have been going back and reading my journals of the past four years and that process that it took for me to decide to leave, and then the healing that I went through. And you describe it really well. Being in that Jolo, you can't figure out what's wrong. And that's constantly what I was confused about. I knew I sensed something was really off, but I I couldn't understand how to get out of it. And now, as I'm looking back, I see all of these little doses of courage that were provided for me along the way through different people that I connected with. And in these conversations, they helped me little by little. And for many of them, they were not even aware. In fact, one of the therapists who helped me, I had gone to her for something totally unrelated to my marriage. And in one conversation, she asked me a question that made me have a little bit of light on what was actually wrong.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

And I actually, as I was going through and writing that part in my book, I said, I'm going to reach out to her again and send her an email. So I did, and I thanked her, and I told her, you know, this is where I'm at now, two and a half years later. And that session with you impacted me being able to get here. So I think that it's really valuable for us to understand that when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share with someone else what we've been through, where we're at now, those little moments add up and it makes it possible for us to move forward. So that was a significant moment for me that she had no idea. And then there was another, you know, a few months later, there was another woman who shared her story. She had no idea the impact that it had when I was listening to her talk about it. I actually saw her recently at an event and got to tell her too. But it's it's incredible to see how these moments in our lives are so significant when we're open to finding the truth.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Yeah. And I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said they the other therapist was holding space for you, right? Which we were just talking about. And that allowed you to have a little bit of light shed on the situation. So when we can't see clearly, one, of course, being mindful of the people that we have around you because they're they may not be the healthiest. But what I've seen, and of course, experienced myself, and I would love to know your opinion on this, is using people as sounding boards who have been through the journey and they know how to hold space. So they're not telling you what to do, they're not kind of controlling you. They completely understand if you're still in the jello, that's okay. They're just, you know, holding space for you with where you're at. But if you're you're ready to jump out of the jello, they also support you in that. So it's kind of like they're meeting you where you're at because they've already worked on their stuff. They don't need you to do something specific with your journey.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Definitely. And again, that ties back to the humility aspect of us being able to understand that we are part of a much bigger picture. And so someone who is healed will be able to see, okay, I'm in this moment with this person. I'm not going to provide them the entire package. I get to give them this part of it. And so they'll be able to recognize where you're at and what it is that in that moment you're able to do. Because sometimes we're not ready to take that decision of leaving, but we are ready to maybe talk to someone about it, or we're ready to actually accept this is the situation that I'm in, which all of those parts in the journey are important and necessary.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Right. And I've noticed from my own personal journey too, and it was very hard for me to accept this, but I cannot share, especially if I'm needing something emotional, like emotional support or comfort or something. I cannot open up and share with somebody who has not been in the same or similar journey because they just don't get it. And you will not get your needs met. Usually we don't even need them to do something for us. We just need them to hold the space for us as we gather the light, but we can't do that with somebody who just doesn't get it. And that's okay, but we have to be mindful of it.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

Exactly. And that is definitely something that is learned with trial and error, right? In the sense that we can sometimes talk to someone and then realize, okay, that that was not the place. Yeah. Uh and the thing is that I can have incredible grace for those people too, because I realize they really can't understand because they haven't been there. And that's okay. I don't wish anybody to have to go through what I've gone through, right? Yeah. Um, but it is very evident when you're with someone who has been there, they genuinely can understand. And they don't try to attach you to their story, they allow your story to unfold. And that is such a gift.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that because it's not them inserting themselves, you know, they're just holding space for you. Um, so before we hop off today, I was wondering if you can kind of go back throughout your story. And it could be stuff that you used at the beginning when you were in the grunge of the transition in the middle somewhere, or it could be something that you utilize today. But what are three lifelines, tools, resources, coping skills, habits, anything that you know has absolutely helped you in your journey?

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Yes, there definitely are things that are so valuable. One, I would say journal. You can do that anytime, anyplace with whatever you have to write on. So journaling has been definitely an essential part of me being able to be where I'm at now. The second thing that I would say is there are extremely gifted coaches and therapists who help us along the way. And having the opportunity to be in that place of receiving coaching or having the input from a therapist is so beneficial. It has been extremely beneficial for me. And one of the things that can be an obstacle is the cost of having a coach or a therapist. What I've learned though is that there will always be a way, and it's a matter of looking for the opportunity and pursuing it. So those those two journaling and then finding a coach, a therapist, specifically uh in the healing process, finding therapists who are trained in trauma or in healing, um, in whatever specific uh stage you're at is really a key. And then the third thing that I would say is continually feeding myself with resources, books, podcasts, listening to other people, and allowing them to give me a clearer perspective of my own worth, a clearer perspective of my purpose, a clearer perspective of the talents, gifts, strengths that I have and how to develop those, how to maximize those. Just an ongoing desire to learn and grow.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

I love how you phrase that because you're not just reading the books and listening to the podcast to get the information from them. That's part of it, but you're also seeing yourself differently. So as you grow, a lot of people don't realize like it's a lot of it, you're just trying to be able to see yourself clearly. And then once you start seeing yourself clearly, it's like, why did I even do that? Like, why did I stay in that situation or why did I give in to that? Like it doesn't make any sense because it really just doesn't resonate with you. So as you are going through the journey, reading the books and listening to the podcast, or hiring the coaches and therapists who have been through it, who understand it, making sure that they truly resonate with you at the place that you're at. Because something six years ago is not gonna be the same today. And the same thing three years from now.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Yes, I think that's so important what you just said, because we need to recognize our own growth as well and not default to, oh, well, three years ago, this is what worked for me. No, where am I at right now? And what is gonna help me grow from where I'm at into the next chapter of my own life.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Right. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for your time today. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

This has been absolutely a joy. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Thank you.